Home. Written for family but true for any family.

         Home.

. A welcome address to the goddess of wealth sana bahurani of Shantilata Devi and Late Er Bidyadhar Behera.

Which do you think is your home asked my wife? She did not ask it for the first time. The question arose in war, in peace,in romantic mood, in despair to my absence. She discussed in real sense too to know an actual answer.

It is my pleasure to say she owns a flat at Cuttack where we stay with our children and our parents. ‘She owns the flat’ It is my pleasure to celebrate the company of an empowered woman.

 She explains her question. Do you feel your work place Sukinda where you stay five and half day a week (for 12 years) is your home and Cuttack as your children’s home or what else?  Very tough.

I feel the absence of late Sri Bidyadhr Behera my father in law instantly as he was the person to believe, "I feel my village Tulati where I spent only the first 12 years of my life is the one as my home where practically my cousin stays with his children".

 Father in law of me, Sri Bidya Bhushan Patra@tikibabu, Namita@seema and our new member Mohamaya@milli and father of our respective spouces Sarita, Sujata, Vijay, Satya is no more with us. He as a small kid lost his father and grew up in a remote village Ugalpur with his mother Ashamani Devi. The villag had no roads, no electricity no school beyond a chatashali, in a geography influenced by the river Mantei that swells and recedes every twelve hours in routine with the tidal pressure from Bay of Bengal not too far where the river (Mantei or Mohamaya) meets its desired truth(Satya). He travelled through the time not holding the father`s finger searching his destiny bare foot of course must be with poverty even if there is good amount of landed property. While he crossed the paddy fields he did not stop to catch the tiny and beautifully coloured crabs. He surged ahead through the cultivated lands full of sunflowers as the hope of the widow Ashamani, the hope of the village Ugalpur.

He did it and became a graduate Engineer. Difficult to realize what it meant to be an engineer in those days, may be less than ten such people in the entire Bhadrakh Sub division.

Time passed on and he had to work as a state government engineer with its job requirement, transfer posting, political pressure, torture of many kinds.

A reputed high school teacher Late Sri Yogendra Rout could spot him and stopped him to honour him with the most precious ornament available with him, his eldest daughter Shantilata Devi our mother (or in law).

They settled at Bhadrakh in a prime location, built up their nest the present house with all its grace.

The man`s primary attachment rather obsession remained his village that needed to be connected with a road, with electricity, with a place of worship as per the wish of a mother. Unless one is acquainted with Ugalpur one cannot know why a road or electricity connectivity was a big thing. I believe there must not be a single day he was not thinking the betterment of his village.

Shantilata Devi our mother in law whom I describe as the moving example of undiluted truth must have the same dilemma about his home. They made a balance in a just way. But sure the concept of home for him, for her and for their children was to be different.

Its answer is vast.

One grew up in a village and the natural tendency to identify one with his nativity developed. In one`s subconscious one took a promise that one would be a good human and work for the family and for the society. This society for him was his surrounding village his larger home where there is not a single house where a meal was not taken.

 Concept of home is different for a girl or woman.  She knows it to be a temporary shelter. She dreams her home; she dreams what she can do for her family even if she goes away to a dreamland. She is not attached to the village or locality. She never must be thinking to do a farm house here a pond there, a road there, a school in the village a this or a that. Her attachment to nativity is philosophical, virtual or less bonded that exactly I cannot perceive but definitely different from the male.

The script says when King Dakshya did not invite his son in law Shiva to the Yajnya and hence Shiva denied His wife Sati`s visit a rule got written. Sati told, "You may not go but a daughter has the right to visit her home uninvited at any time she wishes", and she actually went there. So I don`t give less value to the home concept of a girl, especially when she has the responsibility to take care of her parents physically and emotionally.

One has to move on in search of his identity, becomes a guest in his own village. Away from the village he craves for his village everyday? There comes a feeling of guilt that what he promised as a child he is unable to keep it up. This feeling made Bidyadhara so active during post retirement days, when only all his promises came true. (The road, electricity and the Temple of Nilakantheswara).

 To our mind a small sense of irrationality by him is felt with a sense of pride and fulfillment. When recently a Panda at Akhandalamani without knowing my identity identified the village Ugalpur as the village of a nobleman Bidyadhara Behera how much I felt that I can never measure in the terms of profit or loss as it is priceless.

The same nobleness must be in the gene of Sarita, Sujata, Vijay and Satya that we spouses should be happy with. Now the question comes what he got in search of empty nobleness. But without nobleness what should he have got, the same cruel cancer, the more property that becomes a liability to the next generation, the unsurpassable old age the ultimate death sans of nobleness.

I feel subconsciously we all acknowledge what he did was absolutely good but superficially we feel the other side too as we are demanding children of him. Bapa where ever you are you come down to grace the occasion of your youngest sons marriage ceremony. He must be somewhere, how can he avoid his home demand that he never avoided in his entire life.

The story is same for our mother/ mother in law. She feels homely at Bhadrkh with thick attachment. Ugalpur is a duty for her that she does with perfection. She cannot leave the place. As I have turned about fifty I understand the situation in a way that differs from how Jhupa or Boblu do, equally it differs from mother, very difficult to make her move away from her home. That is not her lone story, she represent a generation. The beautiful house, the property of very good value that she raised with her own hand is her priority. She goes on caring it. Year after year she invests in it with no special hope or plan but she thinks that is good. A time properly spent as she takes it. If I say it should be inhabited by Satya or Vijay that is a funny statement as they have developed their priority that comes naturally to every person in the world. So the nobleman`s home is not the home of our mother which is not the home of her children. I am speaking home sweet home not places or houses. 

The concept of home also differs for a village and an urban area. The way I thought for my village Tikibabu cannot feel for Balasore as it is too big. My sons can never dream as children that they should do this and that for the city of Cuttack.They are not less patriot or more selfish than me but Cuttack is too vast than Tulati. In such a scenario one tries to get out of it to go beyond. The frog inside the well is the king there. They are bound to long for freedom beyond Cuttack. May be within or outside India forcing the parents to think their future in a different way than our parents thought about us.

My father once told, ‘the river flows in one direction one needs not be worried for that as long as it is flowing’.

I do not know what the Mumbai boy Bithal feels for his metro may be he wants to be the mayor there. Certainly his attachment to nativity is different than the attachment of his Aja to Ugalpur.

It also has another side, the emotional attachment of Sri Bidyabhushan Patra to Jhupa defines the home concept of parents to daughter but yes she and her parents know she will move on. The moving on has decreased the gap between a son and a daughter. They equally move to distant places. Thousands of years were taken for human being to stop being wandering nomadic to do permanent dwelling based on agriculture. Only a century back all were cultivators and son was taking over the mantle at the age of 18. The circle has turned; once again we are wandering people. Not too much time has gone to settle new rules, so we are at the transition with existence of fixed people like Ashamani approaching a century, semi fixed people like our mother at seventy, moved people like us and flying people like our children. New rules automatically will evolve and right now we must not be judgmental and alleging someone`s activity is just or unjust.

 Our parent generation was taking care of two establishments we are taking care of three. Tikibabu at one end has to take care of his priority and property at village and Balasore, his own place and that of Jhupa or Bithal, so also Papa/Bablu he thinks about Tulati, Cuttack and his own future. So the pressure to manage the home for Vijay or Satya is much more even what it was to our father.

 Seema and Milli are born and brought up in the two most urbanised areas of the state and how much their dream home matches to Bhadrkh that we cannot say. These two important ladies have their obvious important role both physically and emotionally in there parental places. They are best judges of their priorities.

Many a times I commented, my brothers in law are people of millions but unnecessarily worried. I have one thing in mind that we are people full of assets, full of love, full of culture, talented, artful, colorful and upwardly mobile.

If any ting we are falling short beg it from Sujata (Kunny) the most graceful and resourceful element in the family. She once told, ‘an emotional person is more powerful than one stubborn person’. I always felt me as a weak and emotionally carried away person. I felt negatively for it but after her statement I cannot count at how many places and points I have quoted it both in literature and outside it. She should be understood in another level.

Sarita and Seema should not be jealous that she is with the best profession of perfect home management for which both of them are running and spinning with a lot of torture to their body and mind. Gone are those days when the male only earns and the other cares home. But beyond home is now felt to be an inferior carrier than making the home inside. Again who am I to perceive for ladies` mindset. It is up to Milli to take some time to do a case study between Sarita, Sima versus Sujata which may help her more clarity. I believe learning from one`s own space not from well researched manuscripts.   

We are in a festive occasion of Satya`s marriage, the new guest has already arrived, I had taken her name several time without welcoming her, Oh yes let us welcome her let us receive her as Goddess of prosperity.

 Satya has gained very nice people as his in law let us welcome them with our Namaskars to our extended family..

 I convey my heartfelt congratulations to the Satya and Mohamaya. The spring is at its full bloom, the soft wind of Malay is blowing, the fragrance in the environment, even Lords are coming out in Bimanas, the whole family of Lady Ashamani are gathering to bless them. Mama Shantilata as usual the perfect host balances every angle and corners. Let all of us thank our mother that she hosted such a beautiful party. Orchestra playing the sweetest songs I hope Satya`s blissful melody for ever has just started.    

                                                     Rabivai……..