WHY SO MUCH ACTIVITY IN THIS YEAR, A DOCTOR WHO WRITES SAYS IT.

Goodbye 2014 , my yearbook.

I was in leave for the previous two months when the New Year arrived, at home busy in preparing for an entrance examination for higher study, January was time for last few laps as exam was in first week of February. In the previous year I was selected but it was at last moment when I could not have got the government permission in time. I was confident for this year. The main distraction was Aravind Kejriwala, Delhi election and my recurrent related communication with some friends. I was very happy as I read and revised Williams Obstetrics from which last year`s 100% questions was given. I finished from page 1 to the end; I was immensely satisfied as an Obstetricians working in a remote rural community health center would be doing this at the age of 47. Unfortunately pattern changed I did not qualify. So in one sense my three months leave did not yield, the level of frustration was too high.

Meanwhile during last part of previous year I once casually threw a small status update in face book with the title ‘Annyatha Mullyaheena’ in English that invited very sharp encouraging comments from some friends staying across the globe and also from my close relations. It was my childhood memoir.

I was and now also am very much uncomfortable writing in English as my educative background is my mother tongue Odiya and the level of English teaching in school was made intentionally low. One example is the rhyme Twinkle Twinkle that is for a preschool English medium child was given in our high school. English was made a single paper scraping the second paper. The second paper was how to write precise, narration, drafting all very useful for learners of a foreign language that we were deprived of.

 As a student of Science and latter in medical science I always thought my English was poor and writing in English would never go with me. I still feel handicapped.

I always read My Droncharya Guru Sri Manoj Das and feel pride to tell I am Ekalavya to him. I till now have never seen him. Whenever I write an Odiya story I pick up a random story of him and read it then start writing even if the themes are miles apart and the quality can be his Akash to my desert land but who can stop any one in emulating someone. I had never read his English literature even if I did read all most all his Odiya creations.  I also read a good number of English books of other authors. I never in my dream even thought I can write in English, I never longed to do so.

Coming back to my failure in exam I was so frustrated and depressed that I thought something abnormal would definitely happen, I madly entered in the social media Face book and played a lot of chess on line. I was in unrest. Many a time I felt is this a doctor, a busy obstetrician, a man who brought technology within his own capacity to a rural village, employed 6-7 people in his set up in addition to heavy govt work. (working hour of mine is 20 hours per day). What can one do after doing same garage work repeatedly, what more can one do after being forced to manage a case of ruptured uterus without anesthesia and without support of blood when shifting to other station was definitely fatal, thank God. Now the world is mocking at the cycle pump laparoscopy, I once denied doing and implementing it in our CHC, I was considered arrogant and disobedient.

 It is a human nature to improve but I failed at the entrance gate.

At one hand I have huge amount of loan invested in a poor return project at the other hand my mind denied to do the same work to earn. 

Maa Saraswati saved me I went on reading and writing to combat my frustration.

I communicated my frustration to my father like teacher Sri Nrusingha Charan Moharana and he as usual I feel was the best man to reach when one feels depressed, a healing touch. With hIm I connected me to Late Sri Ashok Kumar Senapati @ Charusilasaranji my brother and financer for study.

I never imagined I can read the following books in a single year in the midst of my profession. These are 1-History of Sikhs Part 1 by Sardar Khuswant Singh as I finished the great died. 2- Many short stories from Malgudy days by R K Narayanan, 3- Many short stories from Sardar`s selected stories of different authors vol 1. 4- Madness of 1947 stories by Penguin that consists of Train to Pakistan by Sardar, Tamas, Sahitya academy winning novel by Bhisham Sahani, and stories of Saadat Hassan Manto, a big and powerful collection, 5- Shatabdi Purush the life story of Karmaveer Gourishankar Ray that is Utkal Deepika  and that is the history of Odisha from 1860s onwards by Dr Suvendra Mohan Srichandan Singh, the book was  harvested from college squire foot path (so sad). 6- Reread a big portion of Atmacharita of FM, 7- Milana Trisandhya a KAVYA by poetess Pravati Rout, 8- Bulldozers of Sri Manoj Das, reread 9- Amruta Fala by him reread, 10- About 50 stories of him 11- Sripada Sandhanare by him, 12- Smrutira Pradipa by him, 13- A lot of poems and essays by friends in face book, 14- Some writing by Sri Aurobindo,15- Portion of tale of two cities by Charles Dickens too hard to understand, 16- One night@callcenter by Chetan Bhagat, 17 – The Krishna Key by Ashwin Sanghi now reading will finish before 31st , 18- I feel blessed to add Williams Obstetrics at the beginning.

Probably in no single year of my life I had read so much.

On friend Subrat Mishra`s suggestion I told my son to create a blog for me that he did and this is my 25^th post in last five months. I also had published one big Odiya story ‘SANCHITA SWAVIMAN’ where the powerful protagonist is a lady. An article for children is published in a magazine. Writing an Odiya story Jajabara for children had given me immense pleasure as it was written when the tragic Pakistan school killing happened that forced a change in the story line. Although I am mourning with the whole world the creative modulation possible by me had given me confidence.

 I always feared rejection by editors that hampered my passion for writing and had an inferiority complex as a writer, I never like to send a story to any one I also feel although many of my friends are in nice position to help me in this regard I shall never ask for help that never gives pleasure. My school teacher Sri Sashi Bhusan Nanda seeing me going out through the hostel door that was the back door of the school told, “Rabi never use the back door neither for entry nor for exit.” This was a strong teaching 32 years back. It is better to publish in an unknown local magazine published by an unknown editor in a remote area than trying to publish with all possibility you would be rejected. What is the need as well? Put in your blog you will get more pleasure seeing some people from localities where none of your friends stay say France, Poland, Ukraine, Russia, Indonesia, Romania do read it and they read a repeat article. I through this article salute them. This is not to offend my friends who are reading it at known localities, I feel nice to communicate with them through my BAKBAZ.

 My basic back ground and feeling is down to earth type.  I feel a class five student writing a small poem needs attention and nobody has the right to reject, maybe one is unable to get her point, it maybe her fault in expressing, but also possible it is the poverty in understanding on the part of the editor. So right now I feel I shall put all my stories in blog and will give to a magazine only on demand. My blog has started earning. The above paragraph is a polite confession of a writer having intense inferiority complex not arrogant one dear friends.

Earlier I was forcing me to think a plot to write a story now themes and ideas are too many and forcing me to write; I have to control myself as too many articles may bear monotonous style and too predictable text. More ever my doctor`s profession pricks and pinches me,”Fool you are neglecting the laboring lady on the couch.” I also feel the same labor pain when a story is whirling in my mind, it is too often and too many now. Still the present position is I am a medical professional who is writing but the equation fights inside me to change position.

Oh yes I am now an ordinary bilingual writer who writes in Odiya the one east Indian language that has earned classical status in my nation, my native language and English the way I know it. Hope I am able to express me completely in both languages and gradually I have overcome the shyness to call me a writer and a bilingual one.
  

In the year I increased my chess online rating from 1300 to 1600 plus. I had left playing for the last two months hope it is sacrificed for the next five years when I shall reenter to binge playing to revive mental function, chess is the best tonic for brain. Good bye chess.(The passage is for the master player a doctor Gata Kamsky who enters the circuit and vanishes.)

The year as a family man I do not know what must be my so understanding wife and children are thinking, they sometimes feel this man had gone, a gone case. Sometimes they feel proud identifying several good aspects as well, without a working and earning wife who can be so absurd. When politicians pray vote in the name of remaining single I feel the irritation. If they are mocking at family people I invite my readers to study the so many recent or just previous CMs with single status of different states and feel how honest they are. The political system is dependent on black money at election all will do scams to gather money for next election it has nothing to do with if one is a bachelor or a widow. So I have taken the side of the family man who seems to be the most promising to change the system.

My children have turned adults and I feel they are in right spirit though from outward it seems they did not perform as per the present day norms, I believe their progress is no less than the desired. I am happy with my wife and children and extended family as well. The best part of the year is my parents at the beginning of the year were here at Cuttack and so also at the end of the year. On health issues they should stay with my physician wife that my brothers and relations now realized. God has kept my father healthy at 80 and my Bou healthy at 76. Who knows what will happen to them. My mentally unsound aunt passed away this year.

We travelled a few places outside the state and within too. In the month of February Sarita and children planned a tour to Ludhiana, Amritsar, Wagha boarder, and Baishnodevi temple. In the golden temple the religious man to collect my small donation was asked by me, how much should I pay for four persons to take lunch in the Guruka Langar without knowing it was too ridiculous a question. He did not like it. The reason I asked this question is, we always pay to take a meal in ISKCON temple or in the Anand bazaar of Srimandir and how without paying a kitchen would run. Whatever he informed was not with soothing voice neither with kinder language. Later when I read A history of Sikhs by Sardar Khuswant ji I could judge my error. Still I feel my ignorance though not a plea the man should have judged I did not dishonor the Guruka Langar . I did subscribe a small receipt and did not gather the inspiration to take my food there though I had a strong desire.

At wagha I felt too emotional I felt the gate should be broken the people who are doing anti slogans in the name of patriotism should embrace each other and the two countries should be one, I always felt differently when question of India and Pakistan came. Let me live in my space of patriotism. I imagine I am a kid my home is in this side and my mother`s place in that side, such a huge tragedy.

Our driver a Sikh, a seventy five year old but strong retired army driver gossiped from emergency, Sanjay Gandhi, Punjab unrest, Vindrenwala,  blue star operation, Indira Gandhi and went on. He was very knowledgeable and so honest. He is a pension holder but still driving at such old age with so ferocious speed but with precision, he guided us the best way our money and time can be saved. After a day’s hectic tour he drove us to Katra in the night via Pathankot and selected our lodge at the most affordable price.

The visit to Vaishno Devi  was in a very bad weather with rain and drizzles of ice speckles. We went walking as we thought maximum PUNYA would be gained by that. My younger son got separated and in such a difficult road with very bad weather with so much apprehension it was Matadi`s  divine attraction that pulled us there where the man on inquiry informed us Soham had gone for Darshan reaching ahead of us. We returned each one riding a pony or horse.

The driver `s name I have forgotten as he was always telling he is known as BULLDOZER in the whole of Ludhiana and many parts of Punjab. My children called him BULLDOZER uncle although he was nearer to my father`s age. We could not offer him a cup of tea even. He paid for his meals. We thought by any means we shall give him a memento in the next day but the tour operator changed the vehicle next day and he did not receive our call. He no doubt will remain as the most knowledgeable, the most honest, the strongest old man to drive us anywhere. I somehow guessed he is with some tragedy which I wanted to explore next day but it was in vain. May God keep the Sikh as a strong as a bulldozer for years.

We visited Bangalore in November and enjoyed seeing the historic Mysore palace and the splendorous Brindavan garden.

In the state we visited Buddhist places like Dhauligiri  on 12^th December and Ratnagiri , Udayagiri, Olasuni on 19^th December.

Another big influence Sri Dhruba Charan Khuntia my brother in law joined face book, he is starting a noble work and there is all possibility we will join it.

It was nice to do a get-together of the parents of the three roommates during our MBBS days. I and my wife have also planned a surprise good thing for my parents. My father in law we lost two years back and too often I felt for him, he at his death bed even wanted to know how my project was running. My mother in law whom my wife and son visited this week is fine. All others in my family and extended family remained well in the year.

In social front face book connected so many old friends from school and college days a lot many interaction happened. The friend circle increased even to other fields like literature, politics, and philosophy and so on.

It was a happy happening that Prof Raseswari Panigrahi joined politics and became an MLA of the ruling party.

 It was my great pleasure to be connected to a great politician Ex MP Bhabani Shankar Hota of Sambalpur, I found him as my most respected politician, his philosophy I identify myself, it was my great pleasure to communicate with him through mails. Unlike other arrogant people he found time to respond and I am highly influenced by his socio political views, he is a man from the era when learned people joined politics. Now wining ability is the only criterion in selecting a candidate, and all know what that ability is, hopeless situation. Not hopeless, another national politician Mr AK has influenced me, I was not a corrupt man but to tell all my thinking to be clean was hypocrisy, now I feel I should be more proud of. It is his influence and as my elder brother a retired army man Sri Kartik Chandra Senapati a totally non political man became an active member of that party. I am connected to political thinking from the age of ten from 1977 but never any one influenced like AK did so I see a positive change is in process. As regard to NAMO, a phenomenon he is taking several progressive and dynamic steps but I never can subscribe the right wing thinking that surrounds him. Whatever it may be he is winning too many hearts that who the fool can deny.

God probably saves this country at difficult times and I am optimistic. In my state the political scenario is too disheartening; I feel Mr Kharabela Swain filing against chit fund corpus fund is the only positive sign from an Odiya politician. A leader is badly required for this state of otherwise ordinary politicians. I mean in the age group of 35 – 55.

My younger brother Kishore remained our platform in our village, well in his profession as an advocate busy in constructing a house, a nice development.

This year I the fool had several debates with many fools in social media; it had no positive result and was unnecessary. I fought with Gandhi haters, with those who wanted ghost fight between Patel ji and Nehru ji, those who tarnished the institution of mother son, son in law, someone`s wife, girlfriend, Ramzadi …. Zadi, Godse praisers, who virtually wants to kill Nehruji and so on, I should not have done this as that is not my role and I am not powerful enough, who am I to advise people who are fools like me.  However one exception was there that the following paragraph states.
        

In late October and throughout November and part of December I was involved in the controversy surrounding my unseen Guruji Sri Manoj Das as regards to Seashore honorarium, hope I played my role positively and appropriately, in the process I gained so many likeminded pleasant friends, others please excuse me I am taking the name of the leader Sri Samir Ranjan Das only as it is too long a list. Samirbabu is doing praiseworthy work. I was amazed to listen so many speeches by Guruji from You tube. I not as a fan, not as an Indian or Odiya but as an active literary man do feel Sri Manoj Das is far above this controversy and it was a very bad thing to drag the man who is a sage like person. It was my duty and I did it without any attachment to anything.

Now I am passive in that circle as my children counseled me not to be obsessive.

On a person or team’s social responsibility I became very happy that a tribal girl who left study finally became a qualified staff nurse with my team’s effort, we did not spend a lot, her family did it but sure it was only for our decisive guidance and support. Now she will be a more empowered woman, a better mother and with more social utility as an Indian. We also connected ourselves to a school for physically challenged people in a small but continuous way, very pleasing.

I got a promotion and with the new posting a new equation very soon is going to develop after that I shall reposition my dots and revise my plans so I am absolutely vacant in my thinking. Hope Lord will show me the right path.

Carry on message for next year, 1) Use the social media for your optimum benefit and that of society, do not allow it to distract you from progress, 2) No chess this year, 3) Accept the new posting gracefully even if it may create problem, 4) You are not suitable for politics as you have always an opinion that may differ the boss, 5) be communicative with available learned people and young ones who wait your suggestions 6) Without professional pleasure all other activities are meaningless do whatever is better for your profession, 7) Writing for children is difficult but competition is less, it is a required thing and most importantly it gives the ultimate creative pleasure as a story should have customers and children are best customers of stories, 8) If a spade is told a spade by a person he may face a lot of problem but if he writes a fiction where he calls a spade as an atom bomb through a clown like character it is the character who told not the writer, better to express the criticism through fiction.

I pray God to make this world and its inhabitants better in the year 2015.